Heck, why should I go through all the work of googling when I can just post this link to lots of funny, cute horse stuff.
http://www.rightlead.com/Humor/Humor%20Frames.htm
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Horse High School Cliques
more funny stuff found on the net...
Quarter Horses: Definitely jocks. Strutting around flexing those muscles, showing off their butts. Not real bright. But get passed on since they are responsible for all the trophies in the glass cases.
Thoroughbreds: Preppies. They are athletes, never 'jocks'. Monogrammed blankets, leather halters, Nike eventer shoes, the latest custom trailer and tack.
Connemaras: Gorgeous chicks with sultry eyelashes, sexy curves, devil-may-care attitudes. NOT into studying or anything to do with geometry. Great fun to be around, delightful senses of humor, and the world's best pranksters. Can usually be found in the nearest pub, entertaining the masses. Fast and easy.
Appaloosas: Could only be the stoners. They like to drop acid so they can watch their spots move.
Arabians: RAH! RAH! SIS BOOM BAH! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TEAM!! (need I say more?)
Shetland Ponies: Frightening, spiky hairdos, snotty attitude and any color of the rainbow. Gotta be PUNKS. Some even sport tattoos.
Friesians: Big, buff, and always in black, they are the biker clique. Cigs hanging out of the corner of their mouths, dangerous glint in the eyes, daring anyone to cross their path.
Morgans: They're the nerdy teacher's pets, running around doing everything from yearbook to decorating the gym and ratting out the bikers, stoners and jocks. They have perpetual wedgies.
Drafts (all breeds): No real clique, they're just the big guys who sit in the back of the room and fart a lot (and then laugh). Who's going to STOP them?
Icelandics and Paso Finos: They're the little squirrelly geeks who flit around a dance trying to fit in and fail miserably. The kind who wear Toughskins jeans from Sears (or would that be ripoff WeathaBeetas??).
Ahkle Tekl (Akle Takl? Ackle Tackle....!! Akhal Teke!!): Foreign exchange student(s). And no one can spell their names either.
Hackney Ponies: A breed this manic would have to be a band geek. Marching along with their knees and heads held high.....even going to the bathroom.
Warmbloods: The school staff and faculty. Looking down their noses with righteous indignation and disgust. Secretly wishing they were having half as much fun.
Quarter Horses: Definitely jocks. Strutting around flexing those muscles, showing off their butts. Not real bright. But get passed on since they are responsible for all the trophies in the glass cases.
Thoroughbreds: Preppies. They are athletes, never 'jocks'. Monogrammed blankets, leather halters, Nike eventer shoes, the latest custom trailer and tack.
Connemaras: Gorgeous chicks with sultry eyelashes, sexy curves, devil-may-care attitudes. NOT into studying or anything to do with geometry. Great fun to be around, delightful senses of humor, and the world's best pranksters. Can usually be found in the nearest pub, entertaining the masses. Fast and easy.
Appaloosas: Could only be the stoners. They like to drop acid so they can watch their spots move.
Arabians: RAH! RAH! SIS BOOM BAH! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TEAM!! (need I say more?)
Shetland Ponies: Frightening, spiky hairdos, snotty attitude and any color of the rainbow. Gotta be PUNKS. Some even sport tattoos.
Friesians: Big, buff, and always in black, they are the biker clique. Cigs hanging out of the corner of their mouths, dangerous glint in the eyes, daring anyone to cross their path.
Morgans: They're the nerdy teacher's pets, running around doing everything from yearbook to decorating the gym and ratting out the bikers, stoners and jocks. They have perpetual wedgies.
Drafts (all breeds): No real clique, they're just the big guys who sit in the back of the room and fart a lot (and then laugh). Who's going to STOP them?
Icelandics and Paso Finos: They're the little squirrelly geeks who flit around a dance trying to fit in and fail miserably. The kind who wear Toughskins jeans from Sears (or would that be ripoff WeathaBeetas??).
Ahkle Tekl (Akle Takl? Ackle Tackle....!! Akhal Teke!!): Foreign exchange student(s). And no one can spell their names either.
Hackney Ponies: A breed this manic would have to be a band geek. Marching along with their knees and heads held high.....even going to the bathroom.
Warmbloods: The school staff and faculty. Looking down their noses with righteous indignation and disgust. Secretly wishing they were having half as much fun.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Circulating on the net...
On a Hoofblog related note- I did order more PN- Ian is still doing well and I've now started Gelin on it also.
Now for some comic relief...
Which One Are You?
THE HUNTER RIDER: Is skinny and trying her best to achieve the conformation of a 17-year-old male in case she ever has a clinic with George Morris. Field marks include greeny-beige breeches and a baseball cap when schooling or mud colored coat and hardhat with dangling chinstrap when competing. Forks over about a grand a month to her trainer for the privilege of letting him/her "tune" up the horse, which consists of drilling the beast until its going to put in five strides on a 60 foot line no matter what she does. Sold the Thoroughbred (and a collection of lunging equipment, chambons, side reins) and bought a Warmblood. (Bought a ladder and a LONG set of spurs). Talks a lot about the horse's success in Florida without exactly letting on that she herself has never been south of the Pennsylvania line.
THE DRESSAGE QUEEN: Has her hair in an elegant ponytail and is wearing a visor and gold earrings sporting a breed logo. A $100 dollar custom sweater (also with breed logo) is worn over $300 dollar full-seat white breeches and custom Koenigs. Her horse,"Leistergeidelsprundheim"("Fleistergeidel" for short) is a 17.3 hand warmblood whowas bred to be a Grand Prix horse. The Germans are still laughing hysterically, as he was bred to be a Grand Prix JUMPER, but since he couldn't get out of his own way, they sold him to an American. His rider fell in love with his lofty gaits, proud carriage, and tremendous athleticism. She admires him mostly while lunging. She lunges him a lot, because she is not actually too keen to get up there and try to sit that trot. When she rides, it's not for long, because (while he looks FINE to everyone else), shecan tell that he is not as "through" and "supple" as he should be, and gets off to call the chiropractor/massage therapist/psychic, all of which is expensive, but he WILL be shown, and shown right after he perfects (fill in the blank). The blank changes often enough that the rider can avoid the stress of being beaten at Training 1 by a Quarter Horse.
THE EVENTER: Is bent over from carrying three saddles, three bridles, three bits, and three unrelated sets of clothing (four, if she is going to have to do a trot up at a 3-Day). The hunched defensive posture is reinforced by the anticipation of "a long one" a ditch and a wall, and from living in her back protector. Perpetually broke because she pays THREE coaches (a Dressage Queen, a jumper rider, and her eventing guru, none of whom approve of the other) and pay trailers/stabling/living expenses to go 600 miles to events that are spread out over 5 days. She is smugly convinced that Eventers are in fact the only people in the world who CAN ride (since Dressage Queen's don't jump, the H/J crowd is to afraid to go OUT of a ring, and the fox hunters, a related breed, don't have to deal with dressage judges). The hat cover on her cross-country helmet is secured with a giant rubber band, so she can look like her idol, Phillip. Her horse, who has previously been rejected as a race horse, a steeplechase horse (got ruled off for jumping into the in-field tailgating the crowd), a jumper, a fox hunter, and a polo pony (no bit stops this thing), has two speeds: gallop and "no gallop" (also known as stop 'n' dump). Excels at over jumping into water, doing a head first "tuck and roll" maneuver and exiting the complex (catch me if you can!) before his rider slogs out of the pond. Often stops to lick the Crisco off his legs before continuing gaily on to the merciless over jump just ahead. Owner often threatens to sell, but as he has flunked out of every other English-riding discipline, it will have to be to a barrel racer.
THE BACK YARD RIDER: Usually found wearing shorts and a sports bra in the summer; flannel nightgown, muck boots, and down jacket in the winter. Drives a Ford 150 filled with saddle blankets and dog hair. Most have deformed toes from being stepped on while wearing flip-flops. Has a two-horse bumper-pull trailer, but uses it for hay storage, as her horse hasn't been off the farm in 6 years. Can install an electric fence, set a gate, and roll a round bale, solo. Rode well and often when she used to board her horse, 5 years ago. Then she took horse home to "save money" and has spent about 50 grand on acreage, barn, fence, tractor,etc. Has two topics of conversation - 1) How it's too hot/cold/wet/dry to ride. And 2) how she may ride after she fixes the fence/digs drainage ditches/stacks 4 tons of hay.
THE NATURAL HORSEMANSHIP DEVOTEE: Looks like a throwback from a Texas ranch, despite the fact that he lives in the suburbs of New Jersey. Rope coiled loosely in hand in case he needs to herd any of those kids on roller-blades away from his F-350 dually in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Cowboy hat strategically placed, and just dirty enough to look cool. Levi's are well worn. "Lightning" is, of course, this naturalhorsemanship guy's horse. Rescued from a bad home where he was never imprinted or broke in the natural horsemanship way, he specialized in running down his owners at feeding time, knocking children off his back on low-hanging branches, and baring his teeth. The hospitalization tally for his previous handlers was 12, until he was sent to Round Pen Randy; after ten minutes in said pen, he is now a totally broke horse, bowing to the crowd, and can put on his own splint boots. (With R.P. Randy's trademark logo embossed on them) R.P.R. says, of all this, "Well, shucks ma'am, tweren't nuthin'!" "It's simple horsemanship." "With this special twirly flickitatin' rope ($17.95 plus tax), you'll be round-pennin' like me in no time!"
THE ENDURANCE RIDER: Wears Lycra tights in wild neon colors. The shinier the better, so the EMT's can find her body when her horse dumps her down a ravine. Wears hiking shoes of some sort, and T-shirts she got for paying $75 to complete another torturous ride. Her horse, Al Kamar Shazam, used to be called "you" until he found an owner almost as hyper as he is. Shazam can spook at a blowing leaf, spin a 360, and not lose his big trot rhythm or give an inch to the horse behind him. Has learned to eat, drink, pee, and drop to his resting pulse rate on command. He has compiled 3,450 AERC miles; his rider compiled 3,445 (the missing five miles are the ones when he raced down the trail without his rider after performing his trademark 360. Over-heard frequently: "Anyone have Advil?" "Anyone got some food? I think last year's Twinkies went bad." "For this pain I spend money?" "Shazam, you - it's just a leaf [thud]!"
THE FOXHUNTER: Could care less about his/her weight as long as it doesn¹t prevent squeezing into their hunt kit, inherited from a great great grandparent.Field marks may include (for ladies) exceptionally elegant jewelry such as tarnished and grubby one-carat diamond earrings she never remembers to clean and (for ladies and gentlemen) pricey but well-worn and possibly dirty outerwear such as Barbour coats over buff or canary breeches and field boots, likely bearing stray bits of hay or baling twine. On colder days with rain or snow, muck boots will be worn. On hunting days, can be seendecked out resplendently in scarlet coats and velvet hard hats that do little to prevent head injury, which in any case has already occurred several times in the past. Other distinguishing characteristics: can usually be identified by a black eye or a broken bone or various lashings about the face, injuries incurred in the field. It is not uncommon for both ladies and gentlemen to sport these injuries proudly at formal events. Some can be found astride hotly prancing Thoroughbred, convinced of their ultimate superiority in the hunt field, often hanging on for dear life, while others sit quietly aboard warmbloods and draft crosses, often urging them on, thus requiring the use of spurs and wearing themselves out,requiring extra sustenance at the hunt breakfast. Excels at jumping over obstacles of any kind, staying in the saddle in adverse conditions such as Man-from-Snowy-River inclines at a full gallop, river fordings, and negotiating passage through livestock herds and tangled barbed wire. Is 100% certain of being the only horseback rider fit to call themselves horsemen, based on a childhood of riding cruel ponies bareback for hundreds of miles and jumping overturned picnic tables for fun.Autumn call: “does anyone have a spare hairnet or stock pin?”Spring call: “what will we do until we can hunt in the fall?”
Now for some comic relief...
Which One Are You?
THE HUNTER RIDER: Is skinny and trying her best to achieve the conformation of a 17-year-old male in case she ever has a clinic with George Morris. Field marks include greeny-beige breeches and a baseball cap when schooling or mud colored coat and hardhat with dangling chinstrap when competing. Forks over about a grand a month to her trainer for the privilege of letting him/her "tune" up the horse, which consists of drilling the beast until its going to put in five strides on a 60 foot line no matter what she does. Sold the Thoroughbred (and a collection of lunging equipment, chambons, side reins) and bought a Warmblood. (Bought a ladder and a LONG set of spurs). Talks a lot about the horse's success in Florida without exactly letting on that she herself has never been south of the Pennsylvania line.
THE DRESSAGE QUEEN: Has her hair in an elegant ponytail and is wearing a visor and gold earrings sporting a breed logo. A $100 dollar custom sweater (also with breed logo) is worn over $300 dollar full-seat white breeches and custom Koenigs. Her horse,"Leistergeidelsprundheim"("Fleistergeidel" for short) is a 17.3 hand warmblood whowas bred to be a Grand Prix horse. The Germans are still laughing hysterically, as he was bred to be a Grand Prix JUMPER, but since he couldn't get out of his own way, they sold him to an American. His rider fell in love with his lofty gaits, proud carriage, and tremendous athleticism. She admires him mostly while lunging. She lunges him a lot, because she is not actually too keen to get up there and try to sit that trot. When she rides, it's not for long, because (while he looks FINE to everyone else), shecan tell that he is not as "through" and "supple" as he should be, and gets off to call the chiropractor/massage therapist/psychic, all of which is expensive, but he WILL be shown, and shown right after he perfects (fill in the blank). The blank changes often enough that the rider can avoid the stress of being beaten at Training 1 by a Quarter Horse.
THE EVENTER: Is bent over from carrying three saddles, three bridles, three bits, and three unrelated sets of clothing (four, if she is going to have to do a trot up at a 3-Day). The hunched defensive posture is reinforced by the anticipation of "a long one" a ditch and a wall, and from living in her back protector. Perpetually broke because she pays THREE coaches (a Dressage Queen, a jumper rider, and her eventing guru, none of whom approve of the other) and pay trailers/stabling/living expenses to go 600 miles to events that are spread out over 5 days. She is smugly convinced that Eventers are in fact the only people in the world who CAN ride (since Dressage Queen's don't jump, the H/J crowd is to afraid to go OUT of a ring, and the fox hunters, a related breed, don't have to deal with dressage judges). The hat cover on her cross-country helmet is secured with a giant rubber band, so she can look like her idol, Phillip. Her horse, who has previously been rejected as a race horse, a steeplechase horse (got ruled off for jumping into the in-field tailgating the crowd), a jumper, a fox hunter, and a polo pony (no bit stops this thing), has two speeds: gallop and "no gallop" (also known as stop 'n' dump). Excels at over jumping into water, doing a head first "tuck and roll" maneuver and exiting the complex (catch me if you can!) before his rider slogs out of the pond. Often stops to lick the Crisco off his legs before continuing gaily on to the merciless over jump just ahead. Owner often threatens to sell, but as he has flunked out of every other English-riding discipline, it will have to be to a barrel racer.
THE BACK YARD RIDER: Usually found wearing shorts and a sports bra in the summer; flannel nightgown, muck boots, and down jacket in the winter. Drives a Ford 150 filled with saddle blankets and dog hair. Most have deformed toes from being stepped on while wearing flip-flops. Has a two-horse bumper-pull trailer, but uses it for hay storage, as her horse hasn't been off the farm in 6 years. Can install an electric fence, set a gate, and roll a round bale, solo. Rode well and often when she used to board her horse, 5 years ago. Then she took horse home to "save money" and has spent about 50 grand on acreage, barn, fence, tractor,etc. Has two topics of conversation - 1) How it's too hot/cold/wet/dry to ride. And 2) how she may ride after she fixes the fence/digs drainage ditches/stacks 4 tons of hay.
THE NATURAL HORSEMANSHIP DEVOTEE: Looks like a throwback from a Texas ranch, despite the fact that he lives in the suburbs of New Jersey. Rope coiled loosely in hand in case he needs to herd any of those kids on roller-blades away from his F-350 dually in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Cowboy hat strategically placed, and just dirty enough to look cool. Levi's are well worn. "Lightning" is, of course, this naturalhorsemanship guy's horse. Rescued from a bad home where he was never imprinted or broke in the natural horsemanship way, he specialized in running down his owners at feeding time, knocking children off his back on low-hanging branches, and baring his teeth. The hospitalization tally for his previous handlers was 12, until he was sent to Round Pen Randy; after ten minutes in said pen, he is now a totally broke horse, bowing to the crowd, and can put on his own splint boots. (With R.P. Randy's trademark logo embossed on them) R.P.R. says, of all this, "Well, shucks ma'am, tweren't nuthin'!" "It's simple horsemanship." "With this special twirly flickitatin' rope ($17.95 plus tax), you'll be round-pennin' like me in no time!"
THE ENDURANCE RIDER: Wears Lycra tights in wild neon colors. The shinier the better, so the EMT's can find her body when her horse dumps her down a ravine. Wears hiking shoes of some sort, and T-shirts she got for paying $75 to complete another torturous ride. Her horse, Al Kamar Shazam, used to be called "you" until he found an owner almost as hyper as he is. Shazam can spook at a blowing leaf, spin a 360, and not lose his big trot rhythm or give an inch to the horse behind him. Has learned to eat, drink, pee, and drop to his resting pulse rate on command. He has compiled 3,450 AERC miles; his rider compiled 3,445 (the missing five miles are the ones when he raced down the trail without his rider after performing his trademark 360. Over-heard frequently: "Anyone have Advil?" "Anyone got some food? I think last year's Twinkies went bad." "For this pain I spend money?" "Shazam, you - it's just a leaf [thud]!"
THE FOXHUNTER: Could care less about his/her weight as long as it doesn¹t prevent squeezing into their hunt kit, inherited from a great great grandparent.Field marks may include (for ladies) exceptionally elegant jewelry such as tarnished and grubby one-carat diamond earrings she never remembers to clean and (for ladies and gentlemen) pricey but well-worn and possibly dirty outerwear such as Barbour coats over buff or canary breeches and field boots, likely bearing stray bits of hay or baling twine. On colder days with rain or snow, muck boots will be worn. On hunting days, can be seendecked out resplendently in scarlet coats and velvet hard hats that do little to prevent head injury, which in any case has already occurred several times in the past. Other distinguishing characteristics: can usually be identified by a black eye or a broken bone or various lashings about the face, injuries incurred in the field. It is not uncommon for both ladies and gentlemen to sport these injuries proudly at formal events. Some can be found astride hotly prancing Thoroughbred, convinced of their ultimate superiority in the hunt field, often hanging on for dear life, while others sit quietly aboard warmbloods and draft crosses, often urging them on, thus requiring the use of spurs and wearing themselves out,requiring extra sustenance at the hunt breakfast. Excels at jumping over obstacles of any kind, staying in the saddle in adverse conditions such as Man-from-Snowy-River inclines at a full gallop, river fordings, and negotiating passage through livestock herds and tangled barbed wire. Is 100% certain of being the only horseback rider fit to call themselves horsemen, based on a childhood of riding cruel ponies bareback for hundreds of miles and jumping overturned picnic tables for fun.Autumn call: “does anyone have a spare hairnet or stock pin?”Spring call: “what will we do until we can hunt in the fall?”
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